Matthew McConaughey Has Ants

Sorry, ladies. People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive has ants in his pants.

Or at least in his RV.

I know this must be true, because we’re camping just a few sites away from his Airstream. We have ants in our kitchen, bathroom, living room, and bed. Yesterday when I emptied the water tanks, ants were coming out the sewer hose! I kid you not.

We’ve been besieged by ants here in Malibu. It’s hard to be precise, but I’d estimate we currently have 23,472,822.5 ants inside our trailer. To combat the invasion, we’ve employed a dual-tiered strategy called Operation: Comet Bounce.

Along the exterior perimeter, we’ve dumped Comet brand cleanser. Anywhere our trailer touches the ground (tires, stabilizer jacks, power cords, etc.) we’ve dumped Comet. Supposedly the ants hate Comet.

Inside the RV, we’ve placed Bounce fabric softener sheets. Some will say this is a waste of perfectly good dryer sheets. Perhaps this is true, but now our kitchen counters have a wonderful fresh scent. I can't stop sniffing them.

We are leaving Malibu (and, hopefully, the ants) today. Next stop: somewhere else!