Rating the Campsites

We’ve stayed at a wide variety of campgrounds on this honeymoon journey. I thought it might be useful to review how they stack up.

Wal-Mart Parking Lots
These are the most expensive campgrounds in America. Granted, the actual site (an unremarkable slab of asphalt on the remote outskirts of a behemoth parking lot) is free. Alas, you inevitably stagger, zombielike, into Wal-Mart--where you spend at least $200.

You also sleep with one eye open, since some of your fellow “campers” don’t appear to actually have an RV. Instead, they’re sleeping in shopping carts. (“Hey, that guy looks a lot like Freddy Kreuger!”)

At Wal-Mart you wake early, thanks to the industrial parking lot sweeping machine that sadistically starts at sunrise. But you welcome this screaming mechanical noise, since it means you survived the night without incident.

We’ve only camped at Wally World once -- in Caspar, Wyoming. Although it wouldn’t be my first (or third) choice, it’s commendable that Wal-Mart offers this service to the American RV-ing public. In a worst case scenario, we can all find refuge in the land of falling prices.




KOA (Kampground of America)
Easily recognizable by the bright yellow sign, KOA is to camping what McDonald’s is to fine dining.

In terms of campground layout, the average KOA is strikingly similar to a Wal-Mart parking lot -- without all the privacy. Let’s just say that whoever designed the typical KOA campground probably spent some time in the sardine industry.

The official slogan is “Great People, Great Camping,” but perhaps it should be “Great Electricity, Water, and Sewer!” because that’s REALLY why you’re here.

You’re certainly not here for trees; apparently they’ve all been chopped down and used for firewood.

KOA offers wireless Internet, but it only works if you hold your computer over your head while standing on a picnic table.

Checkout times vary, but not to worry – a friendly member of the KOA team will be rapping on your door if you are running 60 seconds late.

We’ve stayed at several KOA campgrounds, and experienced a wide range of quality. On a positive note, the pancakes in Missoula are excellent! And I'm certain that kids enjoy the pools, mini-golf, and other activities.

Privately-Owned (non-KOA) Campgrounds
Almost every town has privately-owned campgrounds. Just like privately-owned hotels, the quality varies. Some are little more than glorified parking lots. Others are lavishly landscaped resorts managed by Swiss CEOs on speed.

There’s no shortage of awful private campgrounds, but we’ve had some great experiences with independent operators. The best apply a cozy “bed & breakfast” approach to camping. Here you get full hookups, pleasant wooded campsites, and a relaxed atmosphere. Everybody’s happy!

State and National Park Campgrounds
Thanks to John and Jane Taxpayer, these are the cheapest campgrounds. They also boast some of the finest scenery. Sites without hookups are usually priced in the $15 range. We’ve stayed in some absolutely STUNNING locales in this fashion.

These parks are laid back when checkout time rolls around. What? You’re leaving? Their main concern is that you limit your stay to 14 days. They just don’t want you dropping anchor and living there permanently!

The downside of the “boondocking” (no hookup) sites is the need for water and electricity. With our Airstream, we are self-sufficient on water for 2-3 days at a time. But electricity (the lifeblood of our microwave oven, air-conditioning, TV/DVD, etc.) requires the generator. Most campgrounds have quiet hours (sometimes beginning early in the evening) so you’d better hurry up and finish that movie!

Many parks now offer full hookup sites. Sadly, some of these campgrounds appear to have been designed by a joint collaboration of KOA and Wal-Mart Parking Lot engineers. It’s almost like they want to punish you for wanting electricity.

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My favorite campgrounds have been the state and national parks. The boondocking sites are consistently pleasant. And if you can find a nicely designed park campground with hookups, you’re in heaven. Stay as long as the law allows.

The same goes for a well-run privately-owned park. And sorry, KOA fans, if I’ve been a little harsh in my comments. Perhaps I’m still bitter about that “friendly” checkout time reminder in Spokane.

We’ve been boondocking in a BEAUTIFUL state park near Leavenworth, Washington. Next we proceed to Seattle!